Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
