My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
When are your genitals available?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
