i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
