My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
