Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
