if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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