I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
