When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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