Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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