She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
