Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
