you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
