If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
