I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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