dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
