I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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