why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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