think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
