I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
