Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
