Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
