she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
