Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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