Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
