the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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