A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Even my vagina gasped.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
