yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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