Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
