Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
