but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
