nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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