you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
