my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
