READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
