hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
