Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
