There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
