He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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