Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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