I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
