I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
