I haven't been this sober since birth.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I need mimosas to revive my soul
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
