It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
