there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
