I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
