Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
