I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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