is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
