Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
