her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
