just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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