I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
