Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My day in three words: secret purse cake
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